Out with the old...

Ok, I've decided, it's final, I've made the move, and done some stuff, and spent most of the week trying to figure things out over there, and that's about it...I think this should be the last post ever on this page...maybe people will still come to it to see the ninja story, but I doubt it. Anyway I'm in pretty much the same place over there, only now it's at eponym.com
So long for now. I will miss the whole random question thing in the profile. (I still want to know why people are randomly going out and tasting U.S. currencies)

The continuing saga of (now) the week before last, and the week before that...Part III

I think this should be the last entry along these lines, and I'll try to make it short by summarizing in three parts.

Just to recap:
1: My car got broken
2: I took it to get fixed
3: Had to endure two shitty rental cars
4: Car is still broken
5: Reenlisted

New stuff to talk about:
1: Started Atkins diet
2: Eating pizza right now
3: Graduated from training
4: Have to wait a month and a half until next class
5: Did nothing all last week
6: Went to H&R Block for 4:00 P.M appointment
7: Arrived there at 3:30
8: Was served at 6:00(because we had to wait for everyone else that showed up before us)
Apparently I misunderstand the concept of appointments
9: Discovered that Dan has moved on to bigger and better things
(which seems to be a much better medium. I'll have to ask about that later)

Plans for future:
1: Taking 2 weeks leave to sit on my ass and do nothing "legitimately"( come visit)
2: Write here more
3: Draw more
4: Get some info about that other page and then maybe changeover
5: Breakdance some
6: Practice making another kid

That just about brings it up to date
End transmission

This last week. And the week before Part II

As I said before, we just got our jeep back, and I've discovered that despite having to pay all that money for "good" service, the service was worse than I initially surveyed. The first problem is the one I noted earlier. ( the dial being inset a little more than it should be) This, to me, is not really a problem, except that at night, light spews out from around the edges like Elrond in the matrix when Keanu Reeves...enters him and he explodes. Due to this minor problem, I can't drive at night without thinking that my car is A. on fire, or B. an Agent.

But here's the real serious problem: While they were poking around behind my dashboard, and inside my console, they seem to have disconnected the thermostatic control from the passenger side air system, so, while the driver has the luxury of riding in a climate controlled environment that is heated or cooled to their precise specifications, the passenger must suffer through the hell of MAX AC all the time. To top this off, the thermostat registers that it is getting colder instead of hotter on that side, and the fan blows even harder to compensate for the drop in temperature. It's like some twisted cat and toast perpetual motion machine.

I'm so pissed right now...

This last week. And the week before Part I

This was a freaking busy week!
It'll probably take me a week or so of posting just to document everything that happened to me. But since I'm lazy, I'll probably just do a one page recap and maybe a follow up later on in the month.
First things first. The newest new years resolution is to set out on the path to making one million dollars. They say that you can make a million dollars just by putting away $5 a day and waiting 40 years. I've already set out on this, so I guess that's why I never put it on the list before. Check mark for me. youse guys better be jealous when I get that million too. You and your stupid college ejukashuns.

Second things second. I reenlisted for another six years, so I guess my life has been signed away for a little longer...$15000 seems like a very bad trade for my soul, but it'll help pay the bills. Here's the story: So, like, I've been talking to the reenlistment person for, like, since november?, and after hearing that the max I could get out of a bonus was not very much at all, I started looking for another job, as apparently, the army is looking to train brand new retarded kids to do the job that I'm already over-trained and experienced in. (I hope you're reading this, Army, because I'm pretty sure the high turnover rate in the field is because you don't pay us enough) Anyway, because I'm too lazy to actively pursue anything, the idea of getting a new job kind of fell by the wayside, and I settled for the little less than 15k, mug, clock, t-shirt and chair that was put directly in front of me. On a positive note, this is pretty much a decision to stay in until I retire. At 40-something. Then I'll be getting a retirement check, and I can get a job that I really like, or do nothing at all while my fortunes rack up. This also should financially kick me over the big money mark a lot earlier than expected. I'll still be pretty old, but at least I won't be poor and old. That was Tuesday...I think.

Flash back to last week././././Lori got into a car accident before the Cmas break. Nothing serious obviously, as you all saw that she was not, in fact, a zombie or vampire, or some other form of undead. But finally last week, the replacement bumper came in. Unfortunately, the bumper that was scheduled to replace the one injured in the accident was actually worse than the one we had...worse than the one involved in the accident... How is that possible!?!?! Anyway, I made them send it back and get a new one. And after four days of soul-crushing, ground-scraping living death in a Chevy(?) Aveo, we finally got our jeep back. The collision place didn't want to spend the four hours of labor involved to fix our exhaust and AC/heat problems, however, and they decided to say that it was not accident-related, and therefore not covered under insurance.
So we had to take it to the Jeep service center and have them work on it. Our warranty covers parts, but not labor. We also have to pay $100 deductible on the parts. (good for big simple problems like the engine falling off, bad for little complicated problems that have hundred dollar parts and non-migrant labor) So I pretty much had to pay for the whole thing...and it took them three days to do it. So the rental that we got this time was a Pontiac Sunfire. I remember the name of the vehicle so that I can stab any rental representative that offers me one. In the face. Repeatedly. With alternating blunt and sharp objects.

This was the worst car ever invented. Ever. It had power everything. If by everything, you mean that the lights were electric, and I didn't have to stick my feet out of the bottom for propulsion. No CD player. No freakin' tape player. With the seat fully reclined, my head just barely cleared the ceiling, but was brushing on the rear windshield. It had 1/16th of an inch of clearance, so every time I drove into a driveway, the front and rear bumpers both scraped the ground. Seriously, don't ever even consider looking at one of these travesties.
I have nothing good to say bout the Aveo either. The accomotations were about as poor. But the head room was a little better.

We finally got our jeep back for good, and I thought I was going to die. Just the ordeal in the rental cars was almost enough to overlook the fact that they did a shitty job with the AC dial. I suspect that this is something that will be relatively easy to fix in a future visit though, so I won't complain too much

Chinese New Year's Resolutions!!

Happy Year of the dog...This one's serious, so you don't have to read it...It's just for my own edification, and to give me a written reminder of what I should do.
I'm not sure what problems I have that need to be solved, let alone RE solved, (aside from the chronic masturbation) but here goes with the re-solutions:

1. Draw more. That way I can at least do something that I like on a daily basis. I'd forgotten how awesome it was to be excited about a clean piece of paper and a sharp pencil. And an eraser. And a trash can. And something to stab in the face when things don't come out right.

2. Lose weight. I've decided to go on a sort of form of Atkins diet, in order to lose the soap residing in the belt between my belly button and my nipples. That way I can go to the beach without looking like a fat hairy ass-belly with arms and legs.

3. Take up some sort of sport or martial-art, like karate, (to be different from everyone else that has to do some other random fighting style from south america, I'm gonna go with the traditional) or maybe I could try going to ninja acadamy, and learn the really cool stuff. My other options are to do more rock-climbing, or maybe go to a gymnastics class or two, so I don't break my face when I try to do all those ninja tricks I see on TV and the internet.

4. Try to be less impressionable to things I see on TV or the internet. HAHA Just kidding, I'm totally going to do everything I see on TV or the Internet, because I don't know any better, and I can't distinguish between Reality and Media.

5. Try to hate fat people less.

6. Go to the gym more. This way I can practice some more sweet-ass ninja moves, and/or get in shape.

7. Accept that Texas sucks, and that I can't do anything to change it...but I can still write about it.

8. Learn Japanese.

9. Learn more about computers. This paper keyboard is killing me.

./10. Finish a list with a nice round number. Done and done

Okay, so maybe it was a little funny.

oh yeah, #11. Be more funny, more of the time. And channel all that energy into something productive...and less re-productive

also...#12. Look more like this guy

...an easy choice, if you ask me

Despite being only two pages long, this was the best book ever made...ever... here's an excerpt:

(Page 1)
So, like you were just sitting there in teh village one day, minding your own business. Then some guy comes up to you and says, "HOLY CRAP, DID YOU KNOW THERE WAS A NINJA IN TOWN?1!??!11/1?1!?1?//"
Your blurted response to this, "Really? Where is it?" seems silly to you teh instant it comes out of your mouth, since really, who could possibly know where a ninja is at any time except the ninja himself, and really, how is this guy alive if he saw teh ninja?
He says, "well, he was over in the diner a second ago, and then some guy dropped a spoon and it looked like teh=he ninja was totally gonna flip out, so I was like 'I'm outta here, I don't want none 'o that noise', and I left...and fast."
You think to yourself, "self, if this guy really saw a ninja, and teh ninja was about to totally flip out and kill people, really, how is he alive at all?", and then you think to yourself "'saw'=('was' spelled backwards) and realize OMG THIS GUY IS TEH NINAJ!!1!!1!!!1!one!. To your right, you see an open lantern, to your left is a bunch of swords.

If you choose to tip the lantern over and light the ninja on fire, Turn the page.

If you decide to go for the swords and try to fight the unimaginably overwhelming force that is this ninja, Continue to Page 2

If you wish to discover whether or not this person is actually a ninja, and try to unmask him, Turn to Page 2

If you decide to just lie down and die because nothing you do matters anyway, Continue On To The Next Page




(Page 2)

Before you have a chance to do anything, the guy pulls his face off to reveal that underneath it is the menacing mask of a ninja, then he spontaneously combusts, and grabs all the swords and stabs himself with them just to show you how much more awesome than you he is. Then he mind controls you and makes you curl up like a little girl and then kills you in the most awesome way possible. The last thing you think as life bleeds from your flaming, poisoned upper-cut decapitated brain is.."that was cool, and by cool, I mean totally sweet, I didn't believe in ninjas before, and I didn't get a life in time, and that ninja totally came and chopped my head off. I suck so much..." and then you die

Teh End!!1!1 ;-p

Seriously, I was so pumped after reading that story that I totally wanted to kick my boss in the face, and then I thought how cool it would be if ninjas were on Jeopardy. That was an awesome idea. It was so totally sweet that my face exploded...twice and one of the pieces of my face met this guy , and he told me that ninjas were like the coolest mammal ever. I was like "naturally, of course any mammal that FIGHTS ALL THE TIME would have to be cool. And then he was like hey why don't we go back to my school, and say 'sup to my homeys. Then the guy caught on fire and teleported home to get his guitar before chopping some kittens' heads off with his foot. Since I don't have a guitar, or a head choppin'foot, and can't teleport, and at this point was only part of a part of a face, I just went home and watched this video instead, and this one,(which is not about ninjas) and then I read an article about how ninjas were going to be the downfall of America ...That was total bullshit. Ninjas run America, and if they really wanted to, they would have totally chopped off everyone's head like at least a million times.

I'm so pumped right now, I'm totally gonna go out and punch that guys car over. (not thatguy's though, his car has had enough troubles)

Life is an exciting time to be...in

I was looking in a box today, (yes, a box. In a closet.) and in it I found the most inspiring thing I have ever encountered in a box (closet or no). It was a gift given to me...I think... one Christmas in the summer of 1997 or'98 or possibly at some time earlier than that. This inspirational device once again proved to me that I get the most awesome gifts from friends that really shouldn't give me things. It also proved to me that I really can't draw anything that has a face or hands and feet. 'twas a sketch pad, and it has inspired me to make the resolution that I will draw more...things, and also try to improve my drawing skillz. This is mostly because I noticed that the only cool things in the book were done by people other than myself. For example, the introductory picture tossed to you here (courtesy of the old bastardy-faced artist that brought you "Carbonado"(sp?) ) Although I failed to follow these very explicit instructions, I'm pretty sure I can get away from a guy with no feet, for at least long enough to start drawing again. If you look close enough, you can see where the only really cool thing I drew in the book kind of bleeds through due to the awesome-itude of my scanner. For those of you that remember the book, or know anything about how stupid I am, you'll recognize it as a picture of the"guyver" not to be confused with "McGyver". Anyway..If I recall, this picture is one of the guys that chops people into ribbons in "Vampire Hunter D" ("Ray Ginsu" or something like that). Anyway he scared enough crap out of me to remember that getting cut into ribbons, while very cool, is not as cool as drawing cool stuff.
This sketchbook should give me stuff to write about for the next while until I can think of something else that doesn't suck. You'll see such favorites as the "flaming penguin ....of death" and "topographical tattoo".

Wait with bated breath, bitches

check this out...

okay, so this is just a quick post to say:
1. I think we should do that
and also to say:
2. check this out. It's going to be a log of my personal feelings on all topics that I can relate to how much texas sucks. Which is a lot

THE (dance dance) REVOLUTION IS NOW!!!

I can't believe how much this game says I suck at dancing. At least I'm not as bad as Lori...(she says it's because I don't dance in real life, and so I don't know what the rhythms should be) I like to think it's because all those years of rhythmic button pushing and mouse clicking, hours spent slogging away trying to jump out of the way of rockets, and swimming in acid/toxic waste(also by jumping?!?) is finally getting put to some real use...if you can call this a "real use".
On the bottom, you'll see how the game feels so sorry for me, that in an attempt to not hurt my feelings, it gave me an "E"...despite the quite obvious fact that I FAILED. Somehow, one million points just isn't good enough. I didn't even finish the song. Maybe the "E" stands for "Easily the worst attempt at dancing, Ever."
The other picture is the reason for my downfall. Maybe if "someone" was dance dancing it's little robotic midget girl thing ass off instead of just standing around looking at the arrows as they passed by, I wouldn't suck so much. Maybe she got scared by the constant shouting of the traditional scaaaaary phrase "BOO!", as worded by the live studio audience. I felt like shouting at her myself..."DANCE YOU PAJAMA WITH POM-POM SHOE WEARING FREAK, DANCE AS THOUGH THOSE PEOPLE WEREN'T SHOUTING AT YOU, DANCE LIKE I'M SHOUTING AT YOU, NO, NOT LIKE THAT....I'm so gonna kill you after this."
What ever happened to the fun times that came from the "duck duck turn"and "kickkickkickkickkickpunchpunchpunchpunchblockblockblockblock" antics of Parappa the...uh rappa?

putting the "o" back in mass o'christ

Not to be confused with massacre-ist...I'm pretty sure they're two entirely different things and I'm not sure either is a real word. Also not to be confused with masochist (a real word), despite the similar spellings and meanings.
Anyway, we finally decided last week that we should, in fact fly to my home for decorated tree day this year. I think this stemmed from the fact that Riley has been to his mom's parents home several times, and to my parents' home zero times. Anyway, for those of you that care, I'll be back around the 23rd morning, and leaving on the 31st morning, if it doesn't snow too much. In which case, more vacation and less time in the anus of the country.
With any luck, after the awkward reuniting with family and friends and the inevitable question of "why don't you call anymore?" and the response of "uh, I'm uhm real busy...doing stuff...that I can't tell you about?", I'll be able to relax and have some fun gorging myself on the mass feastings that will be available. With any real luck, Texas will have blown up by the time I get back.
In a totally unrelated thread, I hate stupid people on tv that can't be bothered to go do a little research and figure out how to pronounce foreign words correctly when it's their job to say these words repeatedly.
I also hate Texass, in case you haven't figured that out, in fact, while we're in the going to war mood, I think I remember hearing something about texas having quite a bit of oil er, WoMaD here too
Back to the point.
Misfortunately, because I am in the military, and apparently, everyone in the military is retarded, this time of year brought about a series of unnecessary briefings involving how not to drink and drive and how to avoid being hit with a grenade while in the airport(apparently this involves me wearing my uniform?!?!?). The briefings also included interesting informational bits about how much Texass sucks balls. For example, did you know that TX has the highest incidence of alcohol-related road fatalities in the country? Maybe its the drive-thru liquor stores, or maybe it's because of all the jackasses. I'm not sure.
Okay, so I went a little crazy with the links..I think that's about all for now. Just remember the moral of the story: Dear Texas, God hates you, and so do I
There will be more to come on how much the brownstar state sucks in the future..stay tuned

Super Collector's Edition: Number 1!!!

So here goes...this is my first attempt at one of these so-called b-logs (still not quite sure what the "b" stands for[probably short for bowel movement{which this will no doubt degenerate into}]), but I think there comes a time in every person's evolution when they inevitably come to the conclusion that ,regardless of how important what they have to say is, NOBODY IS LISTENING, (or at least nobody that cares ) and really the only way to appropriately gain the "I told you so edge" is to document it for everyone to see, and then, at the appropriate moment, access the internet and then point, with both index fingers at the item in question and, in a humiliating blow to your victims ego say "ITOLDYOUSO"...that'll show them. No seriously, it will.

Anyway, there's one of the reasons to do it, but the real reason why I'm doing it is because everyone else is, and I can't say no to peer pressure. Ever.

I guess the hardest thing for me to do at this point is actually say something meaningful, and think of a name for the blog, and make the name meaningful, and find content that will be admissable in court if the need arises, and fill up a page with stuff and not endlessly rant about stupid things. Yes...that's my only problem. Except for AADD apparently.

By the way that's Riley. I'm training him to become a landmine.